Forgive and Thrive!
As we move into 2018 (20GREATeen!), I thought it would be helpful to talk a little bit about forgiveness and why this is such an important part of growing, manifesting and thriving!
When to forgive and Why?
Forgiveness sounds like a really wishy-washy term, but what does it actually mean? It’s not about taking a super-holy attitude and being all benign and god-like, it’s actually about realising that you deserve peace of mind and to not carry sad or angry memories around with you anymore.
When we forgive, we make a conscious decision to release things, people and situations that have hurt us or wronged us. When we forgive, we aren’t condoning what happened to us or how we were treated, we’re not saying that we want to repeat the lesson but we are valuing the experience as a lesson. It’s a really hard thing to do at first because we usually experience laying blame or becoming jaded or hardened and this isn’t actually helpful to our healing. We cannot become whole if we are carrying around splinters!
Plus, when we forgive and release negative experiences and memories, we leave an empty space which the Universe can come in and fill with awesome and abundant things!
Ok, sounds good, but how do you go about forgiving?
There are loads of different ways this can be done but I will share with you the same method that I give to my students and clients who come for healing with forgiveness issues.
My method is based on the Ho’Oponopono which is a Hawaiian forgiveness ritual. The basic parts are: I’m sorry, I forgive you, Thank you, and I love you.
I know right when you just read that you’re thinking ‘Yeah but I’m not sorry, I don’t have anything to be sorry for!’ or ‘I really don’t love that [insert mean word]!’ and do you know what, I totally felt the same when I first came across this!! But that reaction is one of hurt and ultimately fear of the same thing happening again if we forgive (read leave ourselves open and vulnerable). It isn’t the case though…
Ok so even if you didn’t play any active part in what happened to you, you were an energetic participant. I’ll give you a working example; when I was about 13 my purse got stolen (and it had a fiver in it which was loads of money to me at the time!!). I chose to forgive this memory when I was working on some money issues, so that I could make room for some more abundance.
I literally was the victim of an opportunist… I’d left my jacket hung up outside the classroom with my purse in the pocket. I chose to say that I was sorry because I realise that my purse may have provided too much temptation for the person who took it. I said sorry because if I hadn’t left my jacket there or my purse there, then none of it would have happened. So you see, even though I didn’t do anything wrong, I was still party to the experience by being a participant.
I Forgive You
This was a bit easier in my memory about the stolen purse because it was a small thing to happen to me in the whole scheme of my life. But there have been much larger and much darker things that have happened to me to cause trauma that I have had to work damned hard to forgive. And there’s still a couple I’m working on!
Forgiving the person doesn’t mean that you are excusing them or condoning what they did. You are saying that you appreciate they must have had their reasons and believed that they would feel better in some way. You are saying you understand that even though what they have done may have been totally abhorrent, you are actively deciding to put the bags down now. They don’t get to have that power over you anymore and make you feel angry or ashamed or sad or powerless anymore. You take back your power.
Again, this can be a hard one, but once you’ve made that leap of understanding that in some weird and unfathomable way, they acted out of a desire to feel better themselves, you can express gratitude for the experience as it showed you that you are strong – you’re still here! None of us has arrived where we are without cracks or bruises, but we’ve all made it so far! You have survived 100% of everything that has ever happened to you. That’s something to be thankful for. You’re praising your tenacious spirit and your inner fire, your ability to fiercely love yourself enough to no longer be in that situation and to be able to open your heart enough to even take yourself through this forgiveness experience.
I Love You
Not in the romantic sense, or even in the friend sense, but in an unconditional, I-see-that-underneath-everything-you’re-actually-hurt-yourself kind of way. No-one and nothing is evil (not even mosquitos!), everyone and everything is just doing what it does. What it does may 100% be hurtful or annoying or just unhelpful, but no hurt is caused that was not first instigated by hurt itself. That’s not an excuse for people that do evil things, but they themselves are not evil, they are hurt and broken in some way. They may not have even realised this in themselves, and that’s actually a really sad thing.
Saying ‘I love you’ to the situation, or about the person or memory isn’t done lightly, it’s only really true when you have reached that place in yourself where when you think about the person or situation, you don’t get that punch in your gut or negative sinking feeling anymore. By repeating the first 3 steps (sometimes over a course of months for the same issue!!) you can eventually take the negative charge out of the situation. When you can think about the person or event and just shrug like ‘Yeah that was something not that great that happened’ then you know you will have grown and are healing. Eventually, you might not even think of it anymore. How awesome would that be?!
So what does all this have to do with the new year? Well if you want 2018 to be awesome and you want to bring in loads of new and amazing things, then you have to make room. Make a list of all the crappy things that have happened in 2017 and literally go through each of them one by one and forgive them. Some may be easy to forgive, others may take a while, or you may not even know why you are angry about it but if it makes you feel bad, you need to forgive it.
I really hope that you have wonderful things unfold for you this coming year and I am so grateful that you are here.
Here’s to a bloody awesome 2018!
Love Leonie xx